Mistakes, Battles, and Victory

I attended Watermark Community Church tonight and the talk was AWESOME. I highly recommend anyone catching the video on www.watermark.org. The subject was Temptation. This was timely for me in light of very recent events.
Last night, my wife and I were going on a “date-night”. Because we have a new born at home and “feedings” are frequent, these date-nights are far and few between. Not to mention, they are difficult to schedule and typically crammed in between feeding schedules.

I watched the clock as it moved just passed 10PM. We handed off our newest daughter to my mother-in-law and rushed out the door without a plan. Driving by the movie theater, we stopped to see if there was anything that we could catch last minute. There was a 10:15P showing of the number one movie in America, Hangover. I’ll preface this by stating that I had not seen one preview for the movie, but I had talked to someone who had seen it. He said it was hilarious and I specifically asked him about nudity. He said if you walk out before the credits you would miss it (I should add, that is not entirely true) and he warned me about the language. I had much hesitation because of the name and rating, but we went in anyways.
Before I go further I will give you some background on me. I have a history of addiction to pornography. Many men I meet share this struggle, but I have never in my life met a man who has struggled to the degree that I did. Email me if I need to quantify this, but I will say here that in a dark season of my life it was a daily battle and I was defeated daily. The LORD has allowed me incredible victory here. He has actually, miraculously, given me amazing freedom to enjoy marriage free from pornography, while managing well my struggle with lust. More than overcoming these struggles, He has given me a superior satisfaction in Him. To say I am grateful is a gross understatement!

Just the other day my wife and I were thanking God for the bondage He had delivered me from. Well, last night was a mistake and it cost me. Thankfully I have not returned to the trap of pornography, but I had a glimpse into my life before freedom. This movie reminded me what it looked like to live life without a relationship with Christ. It celebrated all things debauchery and fed my adrenalin, constantly whispering to me, sometimes shouting at me “there’s life here!” I left before the credits, not to avoid seeing nudity but because I was embarrassed with fear of seeing someone I knew.

I apologized to my wife for my failure in leading her last night. More-over, I had to apologize to her for the repercussions that followed. I woke up today in a battle. Most of the day was spent fighting my thoughts of fantasy. These were familiar thoughts that had not surfaced in some time. This battle had been “won” for so long. Now, today, I couldn’t walk anywhere without vividly “noticing” anyone and everyone of the opposite sex. My day was full of brief mental affairs which defeated my spirit and robbed me of the joy that I had been celebrating for some time. Praise God that I did not physically act out on any of these thoughts or pursue images from past sources (the internet), but that seems like a sad celebration and inadequate consolation prize to the life I had tasted while walking closely with Jesus.

I am more aware than ever of the freedom that Lord desires for us. John 10:10 the thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full –the words of Christ. My life was much more “full”, much more abundant pre-“Hangover”.

Here’s the crazy part. We enjoyed the movie (that is not an endorsement). There probably was not anything else that we could have gone out to do at 10PM that would have been more enjoyable. However, it is not (was not) worth it. We cannot always base our decisions on what we will enjoy the most in the moment. Many times what we enjoy in the moment will cause us a setback in our relationship with Christ. I am more convinced than ever that the very best thing for us is God. That is why a loving Father does so much to woo us toward Him. Yet we continue to run towards that which always results in a hangover. There is too much at risk not to weigh movie going decisions more carefully in the future. Right now, I am celebrating forgiveness while committed to pursuing deeply the life that Christ offers.

Does God Want us to be Happy?

It seems that we can go to church our whole life, be around religion and spiritual people, and still miss what it means to follow Christ. I know we can miss it because I missed it for 21 years. I believe the biggest reason for this is simply a misunderstanding that our life here matters more than it does. I will attempt to explain in the following paragraphs. Does God want us to be happy? It is a great question that is often not answered well. A simple “yes” or “no” is incorrect.

We know that The Lord wants us to “be joyful always”, Thessalonians 5:16. We know that “joy” is a fruit or character trait entrusted to us when we have God’s Holy Spirit with us, Galatians 5:22. However the apostle Paul seems to speak to this question of emotion most clearly. Paul is in prison when he writes “I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want”, Philippians 4:10-12. Can you picture Paul chained to a Roman guard, limited as to what he can eat, and confined to 4 walls separated by only a small space saying “I am content, even now, I am content”? He seemed to be completely delusional. However, it certainly seems that the man that the Lord had write 80% or the New Testament was on to something. He goes on to say “Godliness plus contentment is great gain”, 1 Timothy 6:6.

So when did we start pursuing happiness as though it was something that could be found, discovered, stumbled upon, or created? It seems that we continue to pursue that which we logically know will not cause us to be happy instead of learning to be happy as Paul did. We know logically that material things do not bring us happiness simply by, 1) observing those with much and realizing that their problems are often more and their laughter is often limited and, 2) by observing those with less, where joy can be bought so cheaply. (I recall the joy that a simple ball brought to the jungle villages of Brazil, or the ridiculous laughter around candy in Africa) More often than not, it doesn’t have to be bought at all. Happiness just happens.

Why doesn’t happiness always happen? Somewhere Christians began to believe that we can have both the world and Christ and that is acceptable to God. Jesus commanded us “not to love the world or anything in the world”, saying if we do “the love of the father is not in us”. 1 John 2:15 He tells us that we do not belong to the world but to Him and that the world will hate us. John 15:19 and 1 John 3:13. However, so called “Christians” continue to love the world, things in the world, and namely money. We do this in spite of the many warnings that say “Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have”, Hebrews 13:5. Other warnings say “Whoever loves money never has money enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with his income. This too is meaningless”, Ecclesiastes 5:10. Also, "No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money”, Matthew 6:24. We usually speak these verses away by picking out the verb, emphasizing it, and saying certainly we do not do this. “Certainly we do not love or serve money and certainly we are not eager for it.” 1 Timothy 6:10, For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.
2 Timothy 3:2-5 2People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, 4treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— 5having a form of godliness but denying its power. When we read these verses we assume it is describing wicked people who openly reject God, but I believe it is talking about many people who we see in church on a Sunday morning, those desperately wanting happiness.
So, we are to be content in all situations and not love the things in this world, but how? John 12:23-25, Matthew 10:39, Matthew 16:25, Mark 8:35, Luke 9:24, Luke 17:33 When the bible says the same thing twice we are told to take special notice. When it says the same thing 6 times (as it does in the verses above), we better tattoo it on our minds. We are to lose our lives for the sake of Christ. Not die literally, but in all ways acknowledge God (Proverbs 3:5-6) yielding our entire lives to Him. Paul was not delusional; He simply had his mind wrapped around eternity. He would have been the biggest fool ever if there was no resurrection. If there is no eternity, Paul is a moron. If there is, however, a heaven then Paul is brilliant!
The God that may desire for us to be happy tells us to rejoice in suffering. Romans 5:2-5 2through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. 3Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. 1 Peter 1:6, Rejoice though we suffer for a “little while” and 1 Peter 4:13 “Rejoice in suffering for Christ”.

So if we are not to conform to this world, what should we do? Romans 12:2, Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

We need to get our minds around the things of eternity so that we can leverage this life for then. If there is a God, a creator of the heavens and earth, and there is a heaven, then the only reason my heart beats in my chest, the only reason I breath, the only reason I have life is twofold: To know Him and make Him known. That’s it. We should leverage every gift, every talent, every possession, every ounce of credibility in knowing Him and making Him known.

Somewhere we’ve taken on the belief that “believing” in Jesus simply means that you say that you believe. That is NEVER the case. Believing in Jesus looks like living this life like it doesn’t matter, in light of the things to come. Paul said “to live is Christ to die is gain”, Philippians 1:21. He is saying he would love to die and go be with Jesus, but if he must live (so that he can share Christ with others) he will live as Christ did. And so we must live as Christ did. Galatians 2:20, I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

Does God want us to be happy? He wants us to be holy. God tells us that we must die to ourselves in order to have life, that the World will hate us, rejoice in suffering, and that we must sell everything we have and follow Him. That doesn’t sound like a God concerned about my happiness. At least He certainly is not concerned with the things that I think will bring me happiness. The gospel is so counterintuitive. The idea that our King, made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. 8And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death— even death on a cross! Philippians 2:6-8

God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him. God is about Himself. For anyone else this would be ridiculously selfish and egotistical. However, with God, He knows the best thing for us is Him so it is actually loving. Does God want us to be happy? God wants us to be overwhelmed with joy rooted in knowledge of and love for Him.